A Fancifully Foolish Fight Prediction from Zack Rutherford

A Fancifully Foolish Fight Prediction from Zack Rutherford

GSP vs. Nick Diaz is one of the most anticipated Welterweight match-ups of the year. This match was originally supposed to happen close to two years ago, but was delayed multiple times due to injury, drug test failures, and mysterious disappearances during important media obligations. Now with the advent of the insane conference call between the challenger and champion that came out earlier this week, tension is at an all-time high, and the fans are likely to be treated to one of the great grudge matches in welterweight history.

I am predictably a little over excited. So excited in fact, that I have envisioned the match from start to finish in minute detail. And if I were emperor of the universe, this is how the long reigning welterweight champion would perform in his eighth consecutive successful title defense:

The challenger and champion stare at one another hungrily from across the cage, pacing like tigers eyeing obese children from behind their glass enclosures. The bell rings and they meet in the middle of the octagon. George comes out overly aggressive, all of the anger and emotional turmoil going into this match finally waxing in a moment of pure battle. But Nick starts landing to the body and the head at regular frequency, a power shot interspliced with every five or six quick short shots.  GSP tries to recover his bearings and reset, but Nick won’t let him breathe… Then Rush goes for the takedown and lands semi -effective strikes in full guard for the remaining 2 minutes while fending off slightly threatening, but not imminently dangerous submission attempts.

The bell rings and both fighters are bloodied but not breathing too hard… The round is in question, and the crowd is on fire. Firas Zahabi coolly confronts St. Pierre with his mistakes from the round in their corner, while across the cage there is a fiery frenzy of angry rhetoric being spat in Nick Diaz’ face by Cesar Gracie. “Do you want this belt?! Go get that fucking belt you pussy!”

The bell rings to signal the beginning of the 2nd round

GSP completely ignores the advice of his corner and comes out firing on all cylinders. He has Diaz momentarily stunned with the ferocity off the attack, but Nick recovers and slowly starts establishing his rhythm. George in his frustration hastily attempts a takedown. Diaz counters with a knee! George is rocked! Diaz moves in to capitalize, but George uses his grappling savvy to create a scrabble and ends up in Diaz’ half guard. Diaz attempts a sweep and is stuffed; he transitions immediately to an arm bar attempt, George steps over and ends up in north south.

In a fit of uncharacteristically unsportsmanlike rage, Rush blasts Nick with a knee to the head! The action is halted and the crowd is booing ferociously! Referee Herb Dean takes a point away from George, marginalizing his ground dominance, and virtually handing the round to the challenger. Diaz gives two middle fingers and George begins cursing in furious French!

The action restarts and George immediately drops Diaz with a spinning back side kick to the gut! He pounces and looks like he has the finish, but time runs out!

Another round in doubt… The exchange in the corner of the champion is a little more heated in between the 2nd and 3rd.  Zahabi is expressing disappointment and confusion at George’s disregard for strategy.

“He must pay, Firas. I must make him suffer.” Rings out the champion’s reply.

Gracie is having a full on shit fit across the cage. He’s throwing water and screaming in Portuguese. Diaz appears indifferent.

The third round begins and both fighters swing for the fences, nether giving ground and both taking damage. Pierre lands a head kick, Nick walks through it and lands a knee to the solar plexus. George steps back and jumps back in with a stiff jab. Diaz is bleeding profusely from multiple cuts and predictably talking shit to George as he powers forward. George is backing up and establishing the jab somewhat more cautious as the onslaught seems to take its toll. Nick is stalking and landing at lower frequency than before… George shoots for the takedown and they end up standing against the cage. Both men jockey for position while landing occasional knees to the legs or short strikes to the head and body.

The bell rings and the two have to be separated. The crowd is on their feet screaming in ecstatic bloodlust. Firas is complimentary of George’s mid-round adjustment and they quietly whisper their strategy. Cesar Gracie is constructing a noose in the corner as Nick scratches his crotch.

The 4th round begins. Rush comes out with a superman jab and Nick returns fire with lightning quick hooks from both sides. Pierre shoots and lands the takedown. Enraged elbows rain down from on high like the wrath of an angry Vesuvius on the defenseless community of Pompeii! Nick’s mouth piece is out! Nick is out!

The ref tries to stop the fight but George will not relent. He shrugs Dean off, and continues pounding on Diaz’ unconscious frame. More officials storm the cage, trying to forcibly remove the champion! It takes 5 men to pry the incensed Canadian away from the bloody corpse. Diaz is no longer breathing, and there is a pool of blood slowly increasing around his contorted skull.

The crowd is silent. The announcers are sputtering, and Nate Diaz is crying, cradling his brother’s lifeless body in his lap.

The lonely sound of a single person clapping resounds through the arena. The camera pans out to see Mayhem Miller with his pants down laughing. A devil’s smile adorns his lips as he waves his wiener around in an obscene salute.

The screen fades to black. The world wonders what the fuck they just witnessed, and Dana White walks silently out of the building, gets into his limo, and promptly puts the barrel of a gun in his mouth.

For the record, I don’t really want anyone of these things to happen. I kind of just let my imagination carry things  a bit too far.