Anderson Silva is a Vampire.

Anderson Silva is a Vampire.

[amazon_link id="B005QUQREM" target="_blank" container="" container_class="" ]He [/amazon_link]takes no damage, lives by drinking the life force of his enemies, and has never been seen in direct sunlight. Well, perhaps that’s an exaggeration, but seriously, not by much. The man hasn’t been beaten in the better part of eight years competing in one of the most difficult combat sports known to man. His nickname, “The Spider” is a well suited moniker for the bestial Brazilian. The long, gangly, and terrifying bloodsucker, on a biannual basis dons his man costume and tosses people around like insects of a far inferior order. He effortlessly batters the most elite opponents with an easy grace that could only be attributed to an irate arachnid. Have you ever seen a giant Amazonian tarantula take out a bird? That’s what an Anderson Silva fight looks like.

The man’s power is in his eyes. He gauges his unworthy victim’s rhythm like a virtuoso composer of the highest degree. In his bout with Damian Maya, a former jujitsu world champion and highly game competitor, he used no less than five discernably different fighting styles to dismantle Maya into a bruised and broken mess of a human being. I counted Drunken Boxing, Capoeira, Taekwondo, Muay Thai, and I think I saw him salsa dancing. It was as if a grown man were fighting a twelve year old boy.

He put a stiff-chinned former light heavyweight champion, Forrest Griffin out of commission in similar impressive fashion. Dancing by Forrest’s devastating blows as if they were in slow motion and lightly cracking him in the jaw as he charged forward for the KO. It reminded me of a bull fight, Griffin, a large crazy animal running full tilt at a silly looking dude with an inhuman level of speed, elegance, and intelligence.  Silva, the savvy matador watched lazily as the horns passed him by, and–yawning– stabbed the beast in its heart.

And who could forget his unapproachable conquest of Vitor Belfort? About a minute of circling and then an almost imperceptible blur of movement from his front leg to the famed striker’s chin, and that’s all she freaking wrote. Between that stinging front kick, and Machida’s foot doing Randy Couture’s dental work, the two unorthodox strikers completely altered the way fighters look at and use kicks as legitimate MMA weapons.

Simply put, he’s the greatest. The best pound for pound fighter there is. And now he once again faces the first man to even win a round with him in years. To say this is an exciting matchup is the most ridiculous understatement possible. Silva narrowly squeezed out a submission victory after taking four rounds of punishing ground and pound from the toughest republican on the planet. Conclusively proving what most fans had already asserted: he is a true champion, one who survives adversity in even the most dire of situations. Only after the fight did we find out that this magnificent Morpheus of the MMA world (Silva acknowledges Jose Aldo as Neo) bested the grappler with a goddamn broken rib!

Oh yeah, Sonnen also failed his pre-fight steroid test.

Fucking unbelievable.

Well, this time he’s healthy, and Sonnen has never been more motivated for anything in his corrupt and hilarious life. By far the best hype man in the game today, Chael has turned the politician’s rhetoric and his admittedly arresting charm on high, and is even putting his career on the line for this fight. Although, I’m certain that’s a lie too. But whatever, it’s great television. The fans are creaming for it, and I’m probably not the first to say it, but it’s going to be a bad day for Sonnen.  Don’t ever bet against Silva. It’s just bad business. He’s going to show up, and when he does, he’ll be sticking his fist straight in Sonnen’s cocky kisser. No excuses, no gimmicks, no regrets, just insane technique and ethereal athleticism put on display for the world to once again affirm him as the greatest combatant to ever grace the Octagon.